Thoughts From The Edge

Multitasking Has No Place In Beautiful Sex

Posted on Jan 27, 2014

The work I do with all my clients is based on the newest research in various fields, including sexology, psychology and medicine. I enjoy seeing the results of controlled experiments. It lends a clear perspective to issues and scenarios that are often anything but clear. I am an enthusiastic supporter of research, especially about the long and continually neglected subject of sexual experience. There is one subject, however, that I feel the research has shed enough light on to warrant a consistent, specific response from sexuality helping professionals: cognitive distraction during sex. The experience that people are thinking about things other than having sex while they...

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Make It Fun!

Posted on Dec 8, 2013

“Make it fun!” This is a statement my clients will inevitably hear in the course of sessions about their sexual lives. And a common response I hear is, “But right now it just isn’t fun at all!” There is so much wisdom in that statement. Indeed. Some clients land in sessions because their experience has moved so far from fun, they have simply decided it’s not worth the effort to try anymore. What they find from the feedback loop of completely shutting off their erotic energy is that particular solution is not sustainable. Just like avoidance of any other unsatisfactory experience in your life, until you address the core causes, the emotional gravity of the...

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It’s Time for You to Go ALL IN.

Posted on Nov 20, 2013

Likely everyday you live your life browsing the news or Facebook you run across an article in mainstream media about “how to keep your marriage/relationship alive/strong/happy, et cetera.” It is clearly a question with a lot of emotional gravity and media traction or the bombardment would cease. Occasionally these articles will hit the mark with useful advice, like learn new, exciting things together, or commit to focused time for the relationship. There are wonderful and diverse awesome things you can do to maximize the fulfillment you feel in your relationship. And you can do them, every single one. I encourage you to spend as much time and energy on your...

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The Choice To Be Whole

Posted on Oct 6, 2013

Take a moment while you are reading this and experience your body. Breathe deeply. Focus your mental energy on each of your body’s parts: face, shoulders, hips, legs, feet, arms, hands… Now choose a body part. How about your right arm? Let’s go with it. Now imagine you’re your right arm just didn’t exist in your mind. Physically, it is still there, you just simply ignore it. You don’t acknowledge it. You don’t care for it. You certainly don’t use it. It simply lies dormant and neglected. It does actually exist and function. You could choose to embrace it, but you don’t. You move about the world only using your left arm. And there hangs the other, by...

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Vines Intertwined

Posted on Sep 20, 2013

A number of friends and clients recently shared with me that, after learning that my partner and I go out on regular date nights, they began making date night part of their schedules as well. What a happy occurrence! It makes me smile to know that these couples are out chatting over dinner and enjoying each other instigated by my partner and I enjoying a regular date night. With that said, I thought it worthy of taking this opportunity to share some food for thought about why fun habits like date night are not an indulgence, but a necessity. Before we hone in on our personal experience as partners, a broad sociological perspective sheds some light on the state of...

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The Delicious Irony of Denying Our Culture of Self-Denial

Posted on Aug 1, 2013

There’s this scene from the movie “The Truth About Cats and Dogs” where the two lead characters, played by Uma Thurman and Janeane Garofalo, are sitting in a café having coffee and dessert. Janeane inquires whether Uma is going to eat the dessert still sitting in front of her. Uma replies, “ Oh no! I just order. I loooove ordering, but I don’t actually get to eat it.” As a model, Uma’s character lives this constant self-denial to keep her figure. This humorous and superficial example is an illustration of a greater thread of self-denial that weaves through American culture. Finding its roots in the Protestant or Puritan work ethic, the concept of...

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