Make It Fun!

Posted on Dec 8, 2013

“Make it fun!” This is a statement my clients will inevitably hear in the course of sessions about their sexual lives. And a common response I hear is, “But right now it just isn’t fun at all!” There is so much wisdom in that statement.

Indeed. Some clients land in sessions because their experience has moved so far from fun, they have simply decided it’s not worth the effort to try anymore. What they find from the feedback loop of completely shutting off their erotic energy is that particular solution is not sustainable. Just like avoidance of any other unsatisfactory experience in your life, until you address the core causes, the emotional gravity of the experience will only grow and not diminish.

It is often at that point where their experience has become so untenable they will do “anything” to get back to satisfaction with their sexual lives or relationships. As a trusted observer of this phenomenon again and again, I appreciate the motivation that this sort of rock bottom experience brings. Reaching the end of one’s ability to cope with an experience can feel intense and sometimes hopeless, but in fact is a potent opportunity to do whatever it takes to create proactive change.

What I find most moving about being a trusted guide through this process is clients’ willingness to acknowledge that they could have chosen to address the situation earlier, but they didn’t. This isn’t regret. This is ownership of their choices. And when they own the knowledge that they are focused on proactive change now, and even though it is hard they are doing it, they also own the knowledge that next time they will focus their energy on change sooner.

In that awareness, my clients’ wisdom speaks loud and clear and they’ll often say, “I hope no one else waits as long as we did. It would be so much easier if we’d faced this sooner.”

So as their ambassador, I bring you the wisdom of so many clients who have done and continue to do the challenging work of reclaiming their erotic lives and intimate relationships: Focus your energy on change RIGHT NOW. Anything that feels unsatisfactory can and will be changed through your motivation and effort into your unique awesome vision.

Embrace the message these clients have shared that addressing issues before all the fun is gone is truly easier. Notice I didn’t say easy, I said easier. There is certainly a resistance to facing up to the challenge of an unsatisfactory sexual life or relationship, but you are stronger than that resistance. You absolutely deserve all the satisfaction, fulfillment and fun you can create. Take the heartfelt guidance of so many of my clients: Make change now.

Your erotic life and relationships are fundamental facets of your life and holistically impact all other facets of your life. Moving toward a fulfillment is this area of your life is no different than any other efforts toward proactive change in other realms. The more fulfilled you are in your family life or professional life or in your relationships, recreation or health, the more fulfilled you feel overall.

This overall feeling of fulfillment includes your existence as a sexual being. Fracturing off this facet of who you are as not worthy of energy and attention will manifest as inhibiting your overall fulfillment. Just as you deserve your best self in every other facet of your life, you deserve your best self as a sexual being whatever that means for you.

Honor those who have returned from rock bottom with the wisdom: “We wish we would have talked about this years ago when it was still fun.” Talk about sex. Create solutions. Give yourself permission for pleasure. Explore your body. Laugh a lot. Learn something new all the time. Be sexy. Celebrate your body. Find your satisfaction. Overcome the resistance. Reach for your fulfillment. Allow the expansion of your comfort zone to affect every facet of your being. Most of all: Make it fun!