Clean Your Room!

Posted on Feb 3, 2011

One challenge of being a mama is having a place just for me. When my boys were itty bitties, I couldn’t imagine having any personal space. Not even the immediate arm’s reach around my body, as they were usually dangling from my shoulder in the sling or right next to me in bed breathing their baby breath in my face. This phenomenon also included their copious stuff with baby blankets and rattles everywhere.

They’ve grown up a bit and my big guy is almost as big as I am, so they’ve found their way into their own room and beds. The baby blankets and rattles have morphed into Legos and Nerf darts, but they are still everywhere. Everywhere but one place: my bedroom.

If there is one piece of advice I pass along to friends embarking on the adventure that is parenthood, it is after the kiddos settle happily into their own sleeping space, reclaim your bedroom as your own and guard it with your life! If left unchecked the kiddo-energy vortex will suck in every bit of real estate it can.

As much as I know that “sexy” and “mama” are not mutually exclusive concepts, to facilitate their integration, one must claim a room of one’s own. (I think Virginia would be supportive of the allusion.) And the most likely and fortuitous suspect for said claiming is the bedroom.

My claiming of my bedroom is complete, total and non-negotiable. NO TOYS ALLOWED unless they’re mine. A closed door is a request for privacy and the boys must knock. (A right we afford them reciprocally in their room.) Of course, we occasionally enjoy the weekend family snuggle or read poems in our bed, but otherwise it is off-limits. No hiding there during hide-and-seek. No jumping on the big bed. No hanging crayon drawings on the door. Period.

Don’t get me wrong I love my boys, adore them, love to hang out with them, think they are genius in fact, but I am supremely selfish with the sanctity of my bedroom. And it has worked out pretty well.

When I spend time in my bedroom it feels relaxing yet energizing. It feels like mine. Intentionally absent are large portraits of the boys, anything to do with work and any electronics. It’s decorated with gorgeous vacation photos, art from friends, enjoyable books I’m reading and plenty of pillows. The lighting is soft with plenty of candles scattered around. It feeds my soul.

Mindfully cultivating this type of character for my bedroom has created a delicious atmosphere with the perfect energy. It is a place I love to spend time, especially with my partner. It is a retreat right within our home. If we need a brief (or lengthy) escape to sneak away together, we have the ideal spot. Just having such a space makes it that much easier and more fun to conjure that erotic energy when you wish.

It’s not a huge or taxing exercise to claim your bedroom as your own. Just the process of creating the space is seductive itself. The best way to start to create the most inviting and sensual space is just to simplify. Hide the laundry. Jettison the toys. Stack the bills on the kitchen counter. Put the work away in your bag. And turn off (better yet, move) the television.

That simplifying process makes room for all you find beautiful, peaceful and sexy. Your effort in this process creates a space that promotes peace and pleasure and allows for focus on yourself or each other. The benefits become exponential. Have fun! Enjoy the process and the sexy results.